My dad abused me. It’s scary to tell you. But i have to. 

Because I’ve done so much since then, and it has not held me back. But it has made me who I am.

 Someone who wants to find safety, and be that safe person for others. 
 
So I’ve had to go deep, do therapy, do human design, the gene keys, and other modalities to know myself well enough to be that person. 

The painting above is one I did in college, still coming out of my father’s house, standing in front of my watercolor paper in England, with a mirror, painting, writing words like leaves in the woods behind me. Even then I was using art to heal. And I want to give you that tool as well.

For years I was looking for a safe person to be with. 

This is a picture from 2009 when I thought I had found it. I was so happy. On the boat to martha’s vineyard, feeling so free. I didn’t find safety, but I did find learning. 

I learned how to know myself, how to be that safe person for other people. And for myself. And I want to teach you what I learned at the party at the end of the patriarchy conference.

When I think about the end of the patriarchy, I think about how big my arms can get. How we can pull in people we might not trust right away. How men can be allies. How white men can be allies.

I think about how we can all feel our freedom, before we have it. 

Part of what’s helped me this last year is a person I am with, who has held me while I cried.

I cried again in their arms last night, thinking, what if this party at the end of the patriarchy conference isn’t good enough for you?

What if it’s not like the big hug I want it to be? What if it’s just your latest zoom meeting and you’re checking email the whole time? 

I know it won’t be. But I’m still afraid. And that’s what bravery is sometimes. Doing it even though you’re afraid. 

Even though I am afraid, I want to reach out to you again.

I wish I could give you my hand and say come with me.  
Come with me. Let’s move. Let’s breathe. Let’s play. 

Mazarine


p.s. 5 days to go before the party. if you need a discount let me know. hope i see you there.